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Submitted on
December 10, 2013
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Never stood up for myself
I always tried to be someone else
But I am not that girl anymore

One day I finally tried to be me
and that's when we started to disagree
But I wasn't backing down__, no__

Chorus:
I'd die a thousand ways,
yes, I'll die a thousand ways
just to get away from you
and all the shit you've put us through____
          (x2)
You've always tried to make my life hell
for some reason I couldn't tell_
But I still wasn't backing down__, no__

And every time I try to sit down and read
You'd try to put me into misery__
But that wasn't the half of it.

Chorus (x2)

Now that I am finally grown enough
I am no longer afraid of your fluff__
But I still have scars from when I did

You'd encourage me to bleed
You practically put the blade in front of me
But you deny it ohh_____

Chorus(x2)

Just to get away form you
I'd die a thousand ways,
Just to get away__, from__, you____________(continue until drums are done. this is slower
(Light drum finish)                          lighter than the rest of the song)
this is something that I have had in my head for a while, and finally decided to write down. this is a song, although I usually write poems. Please give feedback or any tips. This is my first non-cheesy song, or so I believe.
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:iconbrokendemise:
BrokenDemise Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
G-W FEEDBACK:

1) I love the rhyming at the ends. I also love the emotion behind the words.
2) This is not neccessarily needed, but it may help to write this in a different format. When writing song lyrics, some people find it easier to follow a song by the layout of the form. For your song, I think it should help by adding in Verse 1 and Verse 2, but also keep the same spacing between the form headings throughout the song. Another thing some people do is omit the form headings completely, which is another option for you.
3) N/A
4) This is a well written piece that is not at all cheesy. My reccomendation is to write more and more songs. :)
5) Rating: 4.5
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:iconeyrean:
This is very moving. I like your writing style. :)
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:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank You Hearts Sign 
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:iconthefinalhikari:
TheFinalHikari Feb 26, 2014   General Artist
Thank you for submitting to the Critique Folder at :iconwriters--club:!


This song sounded like it would fall very nicely against a melody. Your connection between the title and the piece were solidly anchored. The song stuck to the theme well, too; it was dark but determined.

As for the technical formatting of the piece, even though it’s a song, it’s a little distracting to have the chorus specifically labeled and with the (x2)s to show the repetition. There are some other ways to distinguish the chorus, such as putting it in italics. :nod: Also, even if you didn’t want the chorus to appear six times total, you could paste it into place at least once in the respective areas for them. Since your audience is reading instead of hearing, it’d help with the lyrical flow for them to see the chorus instead of backtracking to reread it to have the effect of it again.

Keep up the good work!
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:iconxluminaa:
xLuminaa Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this is cool! I love those lyrics! I can practically hear the music for it in my head :33 (would be something like punk if you'd ask me) :heart: 
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:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It would be!
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:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I can totally see this as a rock song. I love you put in what you want the sing to sound like, like with the drums at the end. I'd love to hear this someday. :D
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:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much for the amazing feedback.
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:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're most welcome. You did ask me nicely to check out your writing. :)
Reply
:iconclassysturgeon:
Great song! What sort of tune were you thinking of when you wrote it?
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