RESPONSIBILITY

I cannot
stop the tears
from falling down
my weary face
I can not
push this
horrid feeling
away
like I have done
many times
before

My usual means
of self comfort
seem to be
failing
and all I
want to do
is to
roll up
in somebody else's
arms
and cry away
all the sorrow
I am feeling

I scream
at myself
callous insults
and callous questions
Maybe
it is me
who is the
reason
for all of my
misery?
Who can I
turn to
when my
realizations
are confirmed?

I am just
seeking help
but someone
inside of me
stops me
dead in my tracks
leaving me to
still fester
in the wound
that I have
reopened
myself

Although
this initial
incision
was done
by others
I continually
slice a blade
through it
just so that I
feel something
if only
for a moment

But this time,
but this bloody time
I penetrated
too deep
and now
the tears
the blood
the thoughts
the feelings
wont stop
bleeding out

I am drowning
on the
tears
that I caused
I could
sit here
and blame
someone else
like I have
in past times
but this time
have have forced
by eyes
to look
at the mirror
at my soul
and acknowledge
the truth
that has been
starring at me
that has been
call out my name
relentlessly

Oh how
it is hard
to actually
swallow
this bitter
truth
but I guess
this it is part
of growing up
and it
time
for me to be
as mature
as I boast
myself to be
I am
finally taking
RESPONSIBILITY